I'm not good enough

Don't we hate that feeling. I really really hate it when I am chirping along and then hit a wall of "My Stuff Sucks". Why why why? It's so stupid.

This isn't a bad round of it though. I think now that I am older and wiser I won't get into too many more of those creative black pits that would last years. One lasted long enough for me to get a certificate in Environmental Technology, which was cool (certified to go into toxic dumps wearing creepy suits and respirators-I used to think about the bad guys in Elliot's house looking for E.T.) but was really an excuse not to use my creative energy. Another black pit was my first marriage. I basically married a 30 year old child with a drinking problem and an aversion to work. This kept me too busy and miserable to pursue my truer callings. Had to work. Had to keep it together.

Why do we do this to ourselves? While my reactions were a bit on the extreme side, there are plenty of people who say they just can't do something when they darn well could. I am thankful to have pulled out of it before I became too old and too wise!

Still, habits are hard to break and I still get moments of doubt. What they truly are, however, are moments of trying to make things better and truer to what I want them to be. I tend to identify them negatively at first, instead of just the normal process of getting something right.

There is a good interview in the latest FiberArts with Carter Smith. It is endlessly amazing to me that we often will be given just what we need when we need it. I was feeling pretty low when FiberArts showed up in the post. I thought "Rats. Let's look at the successful people. People who are not me. Boo hoo hoo." I read the Carter Smith article first because his ads have been on the back cover of FiberArts for yonks, and I wanted to see what this guy was all about. I don't want to break copyright, but here is a small sampling of what he said:

"Sometimes people work too hard to find a style rather than just create, create, create, and let the process of creation finally have it's own cohesion. Don't worry about whether someone else is going to like your work or not. Do you like it? That is what's important. Do what you love, and work on what your passion is. If you instill your passion in your work, it will evolve in your way, and that's how you will find your style, and people will respond to what you are doing. It is so important to let go, not to think you have to create in certain parameters."

There you go.

I have a spiritual life (Christian) so am not opposed to or uncomfortable with thinking we are given what we are needed via outside forces when we are open to it. I think many people who "got religion" or another spiritual well find this to be so. I imagine atheists have coincidence. However you choose to look at it, we're all meant to be creating something, don' t you think?

It is now time to create lunch.